Scattered On The Floor.

Not sure what to do now. Do I put my left foot in front of my right or should I crawl upon the floor? My primal instincts want to kick in and fight and flee. It’s scary to not know….to not care what others think. For myself there is almost no boundary between my sensitivity to the mystery of life and my phobic terror of it. The moment in which I decide to no longer care what others think is a moment of exhilarated liberation for me. But shortly there after, as I proceed to write myself into this role of independence and autonomy- I grow terrified and phobic. My hands tingle, my legs grow heavy, heart races and I begin to dissociate from reality. I begin to wonder if my choices may not be putting my life into jeopardy and I feel the fear that creeps up the back of my spine and makes me want to crawl back into the cupboard of conformity.