hooks and sideburns

“yeah, it’s me, Rose, old doubledouble. So much for my toil and trouble. Move over, share that fire with me, you old bastard. Maybe we should just burn this place down?”

“They’d have our heads on pikes, but they’d feed us and keep us warm until they did.”

“I could almost go for that.”

“Still havin’ your fits, darlin’?”

“Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes I’m okay, sometimes not. I start throwing things and shit. People scream at me and run away. The cops come. I can’t remember anything. I wake up shivering. They took me to that place again, last time. The one I told you about. Did I tell you? You tramps all start to look the same.”

“The place with the hooks and sideburns? Yeah, that was me. Sideburns was some guy, right? And hooks…?”

“Hooks was the other guy, the dark one.”

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9 Responses

  1. Hey Paul, don’t want to put words into your character’s mouth but wasn’t certain how to handle dialogue… so I tried this. Switch it if you like, change or delete or edit amend modify erase propinquitify bubble up snort pop crash bang bang lulu, lulu’s gone away, who we gonna bang bang, now lulu’s gone away…
    coarse I know
    do not!
    yes I do!
    no you don’t
    yes. i. do.

  2. “propinquitify” hokely dokely, no that’s fine dialogue wise, it is a tricky thing, but you have the right solution, if needs be we can edit it, yes you do,

  3. I like the dialogue, especially his matter of fact way of describing the fits. I’ve heard about people going into drunken rages. Sounds about right.

  4. i’ve heard of people going into drunken rages too on ocassion, but i swear it wasn’t me, this time, or was it, never mind, carry on,

  5. This is great dialogue, Rick. It would also be really helpful if you added some solid detail or description, as this adds a sense of place for other writers to follow from. Dialogue is something which I find hard, so reading how you in particular do it is most interesting.

  6. the dark, dark, dark one. night, you might say.

    good stuff.

  7. thanks for the feedback, everyone. sorry to be among the missing. will be back when the dust settles…

  8. take your time, i think everyone is in contemplation and regroup mode, what we need is a surrealist touch to fire imaginations,
    another duck nailed to the bar,

  9. i like the dialogue. “old doubledouble” and “old bastard.” too cool

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